Another Cycle May 25, 2009

So I have started yet another cycle, we have done a 5 cycles since the devastating second trimester loss of our twins. Admittedly they were all not IVF but they were all negative so equally disappointing. I thought it would be easier to get pregnant after making it to the second trimester but that only happens to other people; as with everything with me and my infertility battle; nothing is ever easy.

Today is the 4^th day of my injections “my habit” as I like to call it. I have injected myself so many times over the last 9 years that I can literally do it with my eyes closed. I am taking it one day at a time trying not to focus on it too much, I am so scared but I am hopeful. I have to be hopeful otherwise I would not still be doing this after so many years, so many cycles and so many failures. Although one needs to be careful not to loose focus too much, on Saturday I literally forgot to do my injections and ended up doing them 3hrs later than the norm. Now if I was a newbie at this I would have freaked out and called the clinic in a panic but I am a seasoned VET so I just shrugged my shoulders and said whatever. My ultrasound is on Wednesday so more updates then.

We have told no one that we are cycling. It’s so much easier that way, no questions, no people wondering or asking if you have had success yet. I am a VET, I don’t do the cycle buddy thing, I passed that stage years ago.  There are also no people wising bad thoughts on you. You may be surprised but I have a fellow IF acquaintance who wishes bad things/karma/whatever you want to call it on people if they have success. She let it slip with me once (that is the day I knew we would never really be good friends) and I have seen her do it with other people (whom she calls best friends) who have been successful. She will avoid you for the duration of your pregnancy and when things go wrong for you she is there to cheer and bring tissues. I know that as a VET it hard to deal with other people’s pregnancies and I understand the need for space and understanding for the VET, its so hard, I know I have been there too, the “left behind” feeling is sooo painful but she takes it too far. I would never wish harm on anyone’s child or pregnancy same as I hope they would never do that to me.